Month: March 2015

flying heavy

I haven’t flown in months. It’s freezing here – record breaking low temperatures. There’s no way I can go up there.
I put on 10 pounds this winter. I need to lose 20. I can’t blame not flying. I don’t think I burn too many calories when I fly…
The sky has been so gray. I truly believe I could fly everywhere in the middle of the day and I think no one would see me. I would blend right in. Blue skies can be very dangerous but gray is wonderful. Unfortunately I would freeze in less than a minute.
I certainly don’t blend in on the ground very well lately. I am literally busting out of my clothes, breaking zippers. Snaps pop open with gusto at the most unexpected moments.
Losing weight used to be very easy. If I wanted to lose five pounds I just paid attention to what I ate and made sure I moved a little more. Now it takes significantly more work just to maintain my weight, let alone lose any.
The thing is, I actually like the way I look. I’m just the right amount of soft and cuddly. When I look in the mirror I see the same old me. Well, at least in the winter when I’m wearing layers of wool… In the summer I’m a little less vain, especially when the skinny-mom club is at the pool. These are the ladies wearing bikinis and looking every bit entitled to do so. They’re the ones with several kids between them who bring healthy snacks and sip flavored water and compare how many miles they ran that day. They absolutely deserve to look the way they do. Far from resentment, I feel really bad for them. I can’t imagine they’re actually happy. I sit there eating the snack bar cheeseburger special with fries and just throw a coverup over my belly-cinching one piece and I’m extremely content.
I still should lose the weight, though, because I’m a little afraid that maybe my heart is going to go one day. Extra weight probably isn’t good for me, I’m guessing. Plus I don’t want to invest in a new wardrobe…and when I see pictures of myself I’m startled that it’s me. Definitely not the same as the mirror image I admire! I hate every photo we took over Christmas but I won’t ever tell anyone, for fear of sounding like my mom. She never wants her picture taken and complains about every single one. “Look how fat I am. Look at my face! Do I really look like that?!” I never want to be that type of person, so I silently loathe the photos.
I just wish I could fly today. When I’m flying I feel light as a wisp of wind. Maybe it does burn a lot of calories. It must. I’ll feel better when I get back up there. I’m certain no one in the skinny-mom club can fly.